Talking Together

Talking about sex and relationships isn't always easy. Healthy Respect, and other organisations, are well aware of the problems from talking to young people and their parents or carers. It's important to take into account how everyone feels. Here are some quotes about discussing sex and relationships

Parents

"I felt OK talking to my teenage daughter about sex but she was really embarrassed and didn't want to hear"

Young People

"Dad tried to have a talk to me about what he called 'the birds and the bees'. Perhaps it would have been OK a few years ago, but I'm 16 now."

"My mates have told me lots of things. But I'm glad I can check it out with my parents as some of it's completely wrong, like about girls not being able to get pregnant if it's their first time."

Don't Panic!

For many of us the subject of sex can be really embarrassing. Perhaps we have no real role models to fall back on. How many of us can say that conversations with our own parents about sex were either non-existent or limited, awkward and one-sided? Talking to our children about sex can feel as though we are removing their innocence and are, therefore, perhaps better leaving it for as long as possible.

Don't leave it too late

The earlier you start to talk openly to your child about their bodies and their emotions the better. When they are very young just be honest and try to keep it simple. If you answer their questions as they come up and you try to not be embarrassed, then it will be easier for them (as teenagers) to ask you and trust your answer. Take a look at the FAQs page for some more ideas on when and how to raise issues.

It's good to talk!

Communication is the key. We have to overcome our lack of confidence and our fears. Before you even begin trying to tackle the subject of sex, think about how much you actually talk to your children - about anything at all.

Spend more time together

If you are not a great family for talking to one another, you will find it even harder to talk about sensitive issues like sex. Try to increase the amount of time you spend speaking to your children. Give your children the opportunity to ask you things when you are out and about rather than sitting at opposite ends of a table and being formal. Talk when you're doing the dishes together or watching the telly. Situations in soaps can often be a good starting point for discussion around particular issues. They can be a useful way to find out what young people really think.

Make your child feel valued

Ask them what they think about things. Everybody likes to be asked their opinion as it makes them feel their thoughts count. If young people feel valued by you or others, they are more likely to value themselves and this will improve their self-esteem. When young people have self-esteem, they are more likely to take care of themselves and their bodies and it is less likely that they will be pressured into relationships or situations they don't want.

Listen

Listen to their views. Apart from the fact that you might learn something, you will probably be pleasantly surprised by how much young people think about things and how mature their attitudes can be. Don't just assume you will always be in conflict.

Never stop telling them you love them

Especially at those times when things are difficult! Too many young people have ended up in sexual relationships at a very early age, in the mistaken belief that sex equals love. If they feel loved at home they will have a better idea about what they are looking for from a partner.

Think back

Of course sometimes no matter how you approach it your children may not want to talk to you about sex and sexual health. Did you ask your parents? Can you remember some of the things they told you? Did they give you confusing information or a straightforward account of what happens? Did your parents talk about emotions and give suggestions for what to do if things got tricky? What do you wish that you had been told about sex - before it was too late? Take a look at our Big Issues section for some of the major issues you may want to consider, like religious values and legal matters.

Get your facts right

Sometimes parents just don't know the facts about important issues such as sexually transmitted infections (STIs). As a result, they can lack the confidence to discuss an issue. Find out more about infection by visting our STI section.

Young people today have to contend with sexual health issues that were not as relevant when many of today's parents were learning about sex. Young people need access to factual information, to help them in the choices that they make. Once you understand the facts you may feel more comfortable discussing them with your children. You can even use the Healthy Respect website as way of opening up the conversation. Our Resource Directory which has details of useful books, leaflets, videos and websites.

Don't give up

Of course it's easy to talk about doing these things but in reality it can be difficult to communicate. If you try you might find that you are rewarded by positive responses. Keep trying if it doesn't work at first. Children often act like they don't need anything from parents but the truth is they need your understanding and your love. If you need more support our Services Directory can help you find groups that are there to help.

Parents & Carers